Guest Blog: Our Common Desire to Step Up
By R. Nelson Williams, co-chair at Forward Through Ferguson and a friend of Gladiator Consulting. In early June, Nelson shared a note following a series of calls and messages from white, male friends following the murder of George Floyd. We asked for and received permission from Nelson to share his synthesized thoughts here.
I had not originally intended to write this post. However, over the last few weeks, I have received countless calls and messages from white, male friends, and colleagues. Some who wanted to express their care and appreciation for our friendship. Some who were outraged at the state of our nation. Some who were, for the first time, faced with an unrelenting consciousness of the reality of black life in America.
But there was a common thread among every conversation: the desire to help create change. The recognition that black lives simply do not matter to the masses, and a newfound calling to end the structures that plight black America. The need for paradigmatic shifts; a deep-rooted awakening. In short, the desire to step up and end racial inequity.
I have spent hours in conversation with these friends, each time wishing that I had done more; synthesized and structured my thoughts in different ways; questioned their thought processes; unpacked the journey that led them to call me; provided additional resources.
I share those thoughts with you now.
1. Recognizing that there is a problem and that you play an incredibly important role in solving that problem, is crucial to the survival of black people in this country. Welcome.
2. While I am thrilled you are here, you are late. Your presence is appreciated and needed. Your absence was noticeable. There is work to be done.
3. Self-analysis is critical. As you engage the work of racial equity, it is important to determine how you, your loved ones, your employers, your communities, and your elected officials contribute to existing inequities. This work is hard - but necessary.
Some resources that may be helpful as you do the work and provide context for the issues that face black people:
The Smithsonian’s “Talking About Race” Portal, which overviews an array of topics such as whiteness, race, racial identity, and systems of oppression:
https://nmaahc.si.edu/learn/talking-about-race
Tim Wise, “White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV-EDWzJuzk
Tim Wise also has a book of the same name.
Peggy, McIntosh, “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack”:
https://www.pcc.edu/resources/illumination/documents/white-privilege-essay-mcintosh.pdf
The Department of Justice Report on the Ferguson, Missouri Police Department:
The Ferguson Report Commission Report:
Forward Through Ferguson:
https://forwardthroughferguson.org/
4. The change that is required is generational. Our only way out of the quagmire of racial inequity is through raising children who not only acknowledge racial injustice but are anti-racist. You have an opportunity to create race-conscious white adults who, as members of the majority, will by design be in positions to shape policy and dismantle the very systems that killed George Floyd and countless others. You have an obligation to not only confront these systems but ensure that your children are equipped and empowered to challenge the most abhorrent aspects of our society that perpetuate black suffering. Children whose detest for racism is only matched by their love for equity and the common humanity in us all.
Here are some resources to help you along the way:
We Stories, co-founded by my friend and colleague Adelaide Eveleigh Lancaster. We Stories is an incredible organization that engages white families to build momentum toward racial equity, envisioning a society in which families of all races have the opportunity to thrive. You can find more here:
Talking to Children about Racism:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDgXMYhZClk
Teaching Tolerance: How White Parents Should Talk to their Young Kids about Race:
A thread of children’s books that discuss race and racism:
https://mobile.twitter.com/wanderingbritt_/status/1267617830872154113
Dr. Marietta Collins on Discussing Police Shootings with Children
https://www.theconsciouskid.org/interview-with-dr-marietta-collins
“These Books Can Help You Explain Racism and Protest to Your Kids”
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/02/parenting/kids-books-racism-protest.html
5. The black people in your life are not responsible for educating you on the realities of racism. While blackness often comes with painstaking proficiency in the poison of prejudice, that expertise does not obligate black people to teach you about the experiences that they, by merely existing, have had to endure, and you, through a system predesigned for your benefit, have been able to evade.
Black people did not create systemic racism. And neither did you; I get it. But you do benefit from it. And expecting the victims of an oppressive system to explain the damage wrought by that system is, in itself, a form of subjugation that relegates blacks from loved ones to laborers. Talking about racism often requires drawing on the personal. Delving into the traumatic; the sadness; the despair; the rage. It requires a level of vulnerability that cannot be overstated. I can talk to you about the time in 3rd grade when I was told to “go back” to where I came from; the time in 4th grade when I was called a nigger by the kid down the street; the time in 5th grade when I got spit on; the time in law school when I was told I only got into Duke because of my race; the scores of times I was told I acted “white,” and the countless other microaggressions intended to demean my value solely based on my race. But doing so hurts, and likely in ways, I will never fully comprehend.
Now, consider the fact that I grew up privileged, with resources, access, and a support system beyond that of most. And then magnify the impact of my experiences with racism by 1,000-fold for each of the millions of black people who, through no fault of their own, lack my privileges and endure a life riddled with the transgressions of systemic racism and racial prejudice. It is a crippling thought; a never-ending nightmare. And it is the American story for many.
So, here is the promise I will make to you: I will always act as your sounding board, resource, and brother in the battle for equity, so long as you, in return, promise to value black lives and do whatever you can to create a racially equitable future. Because I truly believe our path forward is one that must be treaded in unison; leaning in when uncomfortable, recognizing past and present pain with compassion, and rejecting the calls of a sociopolitical system that longs for disharmony over connectedness.
6. This moment seems different. There is a level of outrage, a willingness to engage, that is palpable and unrestrained. I hope that it is different. I have been fooled before. But for the sake of black lives, irrespective of the collective short attention span of the spark for American progress, my prayer is that you continue this journey until the work is done. Until my life is as valuable as yours. Until black lives matter. Until there is a society that works equitably for all, and the color of your skin does not predetermine your lot in life.
I love you. Thank you for loving me.
R. Nelson Williams is an attorney with the law firm Thompson Coburn LLP, where he specializes in employment litigation. His work toward equity and inclusion began in college, where he was co-director of Duke’s Center for Race Relations. It’s work that “consumed his life in the best possible way,” and that he’s carried on since moving to St. Louis in 2007 through service on the board of Shearwater Education Foundation, on the diversity committee at his firm, and most recently, as a big brother in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program.